Thursday, April 08, 2010
Baby
all i can think about is you..every day, every night..no matter what i do, no matter where i go..you are all i can think about..i need to actively stop myself from thinking about you, then only will there be a chance for me to think about other things..i don't want to stop thinking about you..i want to think of you every single day and night...but...
i am really feeling the pain now..and this pain i'm feeling is just ever increasing..every single day when i wake up, i turn to my phone to check if you had sent me any sms..you did, of course..you tell me almost everything that is happening to you..you are so close to me..yet, so far..
i have to live through these feelings everyday..the pain, the sorrow, the confusion, the sadness, the way i miss you like i never had for anyone before..but it's not always sad..whenever i talk to you, whenever i receive your sms, i feel my mood change..for better or for worse, your one sms can change my entire mood instantly..i can be really happy when i read your sms, and i can be really happy when i talk to you on the phone..but whenever u're not around, i start to really miss you alot again..
i feel you are far away..i cannot reach out to your heart and touch it..i tried to, but i just cant seem to do anything..i feel powerless..i feel hopeless..i feel pathetic..it feels like you control my very emotions..whatever you do will have an impact on me..i know this puts you in alot of pressure..i am truly sorry..but this is just how much u mean to me..how much i love you..
you told me that you will be here for me whenever i need you..but what you may not understand is that the most important times when i feel i really need you, are the times when you are not here with me..just your presence is enough to make my heart beat on..just your voice is enough to make me feel at peace..just your love is enough to make me happy..but during the times when i cannot feel you, my heart becomes cold..my mind cannot be at peace..i cannot feel happy..
i am sorry that i am giving you so much pressure..if you ever read this, please don't feel pressured by this..i am willing to do whatever you want me to do..all you have to do is just ask..cuz if you don't ask, i will never know..i am sorry for not being sensitive enough for the things that u want me to be, and being too sensitive for the things that you don't want me to be..please don't blame me for being like this..
I really love you very, very, VERY much..and i hope that my feelings can be successfully conveyed to you..i'm sorry if you feel that i love you too much for you to bear..and i'm sorry for saying sorry so many times..i know you don't like it, but i'm just too afraid to lose you..
I love you, Baby. I really, truly, sincerely love you with all my heart..you are everything to me..and i mean every single word i say..
I love you.
9:01 PM
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